Conflicting Advice: Inside the World of a Female Opera Singer

In the little world in which we live, there are many opinions on how one should exist. Every coach, colleague, director and teacher has a different idea. The advice and opinions of these people is usually unsolicited and freely given.

I wish that these examples were made up. I wish they were exaggerated.

They are not.

In the past 8 years, I have received  many well-intentioned and inconsistent opinions on: my body, my family, my voice, my appearance, my repertoire, whom I should marry, what I should wear, views on my hair and make-up.

Without further ado, I will share with you some of the most conflicting advice I have been given in this career.

Photo: GETTY

Voice Type (Fach)

"Are you sure you're a mezzo?"

"Are you sure you're not a mezzo?"

"I am not convinced you are a mezzo."

"Voice types are a choice, I think you should choose to be a mezzo and just be a really good one."

"You are definitely not a mezzo."

"You are a really unusual soprano."

"Maybe you should sing a fach lighter."

"I don't think this lyric stuff works for you, definitely sing the dramatic rep."

"You are definitely a dramatic voice type."

"I think maybe you're a Rossini mezzo."

"Your voice is too rich to put you on stage with your peers."

"Although your voice is of substantial size, it's not what we're looking for."

"You're too young to sing with those people."

"Your voice hates moving! We're going to forget about teaching you to trill."

"Why aren't you singing any Mozart?"

"You will never sing Mozart."

"Maybe look at this Mozart."

"I think you could sing this Mozart. Actually, I don't think you will sing Mozart."

"You have to have a Mozart."

Acting

"Wow, that monologue was really amazing, you could bring that to Stratford today and they would probably hire you."

"You need to take acting lessons."

"You have IT! You need to be doing this! Maybe think about switching to straight acting."

"Have you thought about going into acting?"

"I think you should look for an acting teacher."

On a comment sheet from a summer program audition the following boxes were checked off:

ACTING

- too general

- too specific

- excellent

"I think you'll only ever do character acting, you're so funny."

"You are so fearless on stage! Definitely a Lady Macbeth."

"You are a natural Shakespearean actor."

Body & Appearance

"You look so much better than last year!"

"You're so tiny for your voice type!"

"You're a little soft around the belly."

"Don't lose too much weight."

"Maybe think about losing a little more weight."

"You'll always be the funny, chubby one to me."

"You walk into the room and I think, THAT'S CARMEN!"

"You are way too feminine to play a pants role."

"You look too masculine with all that make-up on."

"Go easy on the eye make-up, you look like a drag queen."

"You hair looks amazing!"

"Don't wear your hair like that, its far too severe on you."

"I liked your hair better before."

"I like the straight hair."

"Don't straighten your hair."

"Dress pants don't suit you."

"Get a pant suit."

"Never wear a pant suit, only a skirt or dress."

"Wear whatever is most comfortable!"

On Choosing a Partner

"Don't date a singer. Promise me you'll never date a singer."

"Marry a pianist - you'll save a fortune on coachings!"

"Only other singers understand, maybe think about marrying a singer."

"Don't get married."

"Marry someone self-employed so they can follow you around."

"Marry someone with a good job so you can focus on your singing and not worry about money."

On having children

"Have kids now before your career starts."

"Wait until your career has taken off to have kids."

"Have them now and give them to your mother to raise." (I was told this at age 19)

"Don't have children."

"Have one and have it late in life."

"Have them while you're young so you aren't too tired."

"Have them before you're thirty so you can get your body back."

"Wait until you're in your mid 30's and you have enough money."

"I regret waiting so long, have them as soon as you can!"

"I wish I had waited to have mine. Definitely wait."

"You can just adopt later."

"Have them now while you don't have anything else going on."

I know there are no black and white answers in this industry. I really do.

I sometimes simply do not understand why everyone thinks you want to hear what they think about your body, your family and your personal life. The voice stuff I get, I guess although it doesn't make the contradictory opinions any easier to sort out.

Be resilient, my darlings!

NOTE: I labelled this "Inside the World of a Female Opera Singer" because that is what I know best. If there are any men out there who would like to guest blog about being "Inside the World of a Male Opera Singer", I would be happy to hear from you!