Conflicting Advice: Inside the World of a Female Opera Singer

In the little world in which we live, there are many opinions on how one should exist. Every coach, colleague, director and teacher has a different idea. The advice and opinions of these people is usually unsolicited and freely given.

I wish that these examples were made up. I wish they were exaggerated.

They are not.

In the past 8 years, I have received  many well-intentioned and inconsistent opinions on: my body, my family, my voice, my appearance, my repertoire, whom I should marry, what I should wear, views on my hair and make-up.

Without further ado, I will share with you some of the most conflicting advice I have been given in this career.

Photo: GETTY

Voice Type (Fach)

"Are you sure you're a mezzo?"

"Are you sure you're not a mezzo?"

"I am not convinced you are a mezzo."

"Voice types are a choice, I think you should choose to be a mezzo and just be a really good one."

"You are definitely not a mezzo."

"You are a really unusual soprano."

"Maybe you should sing a fach lighter."

"I don't think this lyric stuff works for you, definitely sing the dramatic rep."

"You are definitely a dramatic voice type."

"I think maybe you're a Rossini mezzo."

"Your voice is too rich to put you on stage with your peers."

"Although your voice is of substantial size, it's not what we're looking for."

"You're too young to sing with those people."

"Your voice hates moving! We're going to forget about teaching you to trill."

"Why aren't you singing any Mozart?"

"You will never sing Mozart."

"Maybe look at this Mozart."

"I think you could sing this Mozart. Actually, I don't think you will sing Mozart."

"You have to have a Mozart."

Acting

"Wow, that monologue was really amazing, you could bring that to Stratford today and they would probably hire you."

"You need to take acting lessons."

"You have IT! You need to be doing this! Maybe think about switching to straight acting."

"Have you thought about going into acting?"

"I think you should look for an acting teacher."

On a comment sheet from a summer program audition the following boxes were checked off:

ACTING

- too general

- too specific

- excellent

"I think you'll only ever do character acting, you're so funny."

"You are so fearless on stage! Definitely a Lady Macbeth."

"You are a natural Shakespearean actor."

Body & Appearance

"You look so much better than last year!"

"You're so tiny for your voice type!"

"You're a little soft around the belly."

"Don't lose too much weight."

"Maybe think about losing a little more weight."

"You'll always be the funny, chubby one to me."

"You walk into the room and I think, THAT'S CARMEN!"

"You are way too feminine to play a pants role."

"You look too masculine with all that make-up on."

"Go easy on the eye make-up, you look like a drag queen."

"You hair looks amazing!"

"Don't wear your hair like that, its far too severe on you."

"I liked your hair better before."

"I like the straight hair."

"Don't straighten your hair."

"Dress pants don't suit you."

"Get a pant suit."

"Never wear a pant suit, only a skirt or dress."

"Wear whatever is most comfortable!"

On Choosing a Partner

"Don't date a singer. Promise me you'll never date a singer."

"Marry a pianist - you'll save a fortune on coachings!"

"Only other singers understand, maybe think about marrying a singer."

"Don't get married."

"Marry someone self-employed so they can follow you around."

"Marry someone with a good job so you can focus on your singing and not worry about money."

On having children

"Have kids now before your career starts."

"Wait until your career has taken off to have kids."

"Have them now and give them to your mother to raise." (I was told this at age 19)

"Don't have children."

"Have one and have it late in life."

"Have them while you're young so you aren't too tired."

"Have them before you're thirty so you can get your body back."

"Wait until you're in your mid 30's and you have enough money."

"I regret waiting so long, have them as soon as you can!"

"I wish I had waited to have mine. Definitely wait."

"You can just adopt later."

"Have them now while you don't have anything else going on."

I know there are no black and white answers in this industry. I really do.

I sometimes simply do not understand why everyone thinks you want to hear what they think about your body, your family and your personal life. The voice stuff I get, I guess although it doesn't make the contradictory opinions any easier to sort out.

Be resilient, my darlings!

NOTE: I labelled this "Inside the World of a Female Opera Singer" because that is what I know best. If there are any men out there who would like to guest blog about being "Inside the World of a Male Opera Singer", I would be happy to hear from you!

Performance Hair[styles] Part 1: Bobby Pins

Ok. It needs to be said. I have seen some abysmal hair styling skills in my performance life: in particular, the misuse of bobby pins.

An example of misuse:

c. Beauty High

I wish I could tell you that this misuse is happening because bobby pins are tricky, but they truly are not that hard to use correctly.

I am not a professional hair stylist. I am, however, very handy with a curling iron. In most performances, I have, at some point, been called on to assist with someone's hair. In a production I did this past summer, I ended up styling all the Woodsprites in Rusalka, the Prince and many of the chorus members for the ballroom scene.

Myself and Megan-Maeve McCarthy HSOF Rusalka 2014

When I was little, I was sure I was going to be a hair dresser and spent hour after hour practicing updos on my dolls or on myself. 

So, without further ado, I announce todays blog:

Performance Hair[styles] Part 1: Bobby Pins

I have compiled some good performance hair strategies and looks for you which I will outline here.

Bobby Pins: how to use correctly

Our friend, the bobby pin, is one of the performers best friends. It can hold little to plenty of hair, can be used to create a wide array of looks and, when used properly, both hold style well and are discreet.

1. You are probably inserting bobby pins upside down.

c. Kathleen Kamphausen

It's true! The wavy side goes down! Putting bobby pins in the right way prevents hair from sliding out. The wavy side creates more traction, holds the style longer and, when crisscrossed with another bobby pin, literally locks them into place. This quick fix will save you a lot of refastening of your hair style!

2. For extra-fine or slippery hair, spray the pins with dry shampoo or hairspray before use.

Lay the pins out on a paper towel and spray them with dry shampoo or hairspray. Allow time for them to dry and then pin away!

3. Try the twist-and-pin method for discreet usage.

c. MakeAGIF.com

As it says on Cosmopolitan.com:

"Using a larger bobby pin or hairpin like Nishida Hair Pins, aim the open end of the pin against the direction that your hair is pulled. Next, rotate the pin so the open end is facing the same direction as the hair, and push the pin in toward your head to secure it. If inserted correctly, the pins will pull your hair tighter and be unnoticeable. Repeat these steps until your style is completely secure. (Tip via Matrixartistic director Ammon Carver.)"

Easy fail-proof styles that use bobby pins.

1. One side pinned back

This is always one of my go-to performance looks. I always wear my hair down because I have a gigantic head and face (no joke) and wearing my hair up is too severe on me. 

I think this hair style works for just about every hair type: straight, fine, wavy, curly, short, medium or long hair. It is soft, feminine, easy and a great way to get those pesky half-grown out bangs out of the way.

I usually wash and blow dry my hair in the fall - winter season (always dry your bangs/shortest layer first!). My hair is naturally very curly but not consistent enough to leave natural when the weather is drier. 

My favourite hair tool is the Conair Infinity Pro Spin Air Brush:

c. www.folica.com

It makes my hair really smooth and still keeps all the volume and a big, loose curl. 

Then, run your fingers through your hair, flip your head over and spray with hair-spray (not too much, it should not be stiff!)

Take a piece of hair, gently twist it back and insert the bobby pin with the open end toward your face and the way side down. If it isn't holding with one pin (usually it will), cross a second one underneath, wavy side down.

c. Getty + Getty, Kathleen Kaupenhauser,Elizabeth Griffin

2. Roll-up

If your hair looks better up or you are having a bad hair day, this is a great way to look elegant and put together without too much hassle:

c. Barbara Donninelli

To achieve this style, put hair in a low, loose ponytail. Above the elastic, gently split the hair in two and feed the ponytail through the hole. Sprinkle some of Schwartzkopf Got2b Volumizing Powder ($3.99 at Shoppers, definitely worth its weight in gold!)

c. www.makeupalley.com

Then, back comb the top half of the ponytail lightly for added volume. Take the end of the ponytail and tuck it across the elastic and out to the sides. Pin across the top to secure, give it a spray and, for added flair, add a pretty barrette or comb.

c. thebeautydepartment.com

3. Half-up

I love half-up. When my hair isn't completely down, it is usually half-up. It works great if you have a really nice barrette or pretty, decorative bobby pins.

Note: Decorative bobby pins are allowed to be seen.

Here is a really easy, great style from The Small Things Blog.

Watch her youtube video here:

If you have natural hair, I adore this look:

c. babble.com

Pin Curls

Another amazing use for bobby pins which I feel is greatly under used, especially when you're travelling and don't have your entire hair arsenal with you. It is also a great way to curl your hair without heat if it is easily damaged.

I have hidden many pin curls under hats on my way to performances!

They are also a great way to maintain the curl if you have a long time to wait between hair time and performance time. I have used lots of the methods from this article in the past and she does a great job of before and afters:

How To Curl Straight Hair Without Heat

Well, that's all for this week. I hope you have found the information to be both helpful and informative!

Tune-in next week for Performance Hair[styles] Part 2: Curls

Ageism in Canadian Opera: a reflection on the article "Women in Canadian Theatre" by Kate Taylor

Today I opened my Facebook mini-feed and scrolled through casting announcements, birthday wishes and silly memes of cats, or logs break-dancing. I scrolled past the engagement announcements, the inside jokes, photos of newly born babies and a recipe for roast chicken.

Then I saw something substantial. Something worth reading and I right-clicked to open in a new tab. The article headline reads:

KATE TAYLOR: WOMEN IN CANADIAN THEATRE HAVE A MESSAGE FOR RUSSEL CROWE

The article opens with a description of 12 actresses in a basement of a theatre speaking with the director discussing their characters and what cancer means to them. The women quickly find that what they have in common is not the thematic material, but find that they have all been struggling to get work as actresses over the age of 40-45.

Whoa.

This hits pretty close to home.

In a world where opera companies are "trying to stay relevant" and therefore trying to make opera "younger and sexier", this rings true.

Young Artist Companies are taking younger singers every year. Singers just finished undergrads, diplomas or freshly out of their Masters'.

It doesn't look like the world of straight theatre is any different.

How many times do we, as singers (particularly anyone with any substance to their voice) hear things like:

"Give it ten more years and you will be ready to go."

"You're still so young, you have so much time!"

"Your voice is just going to take a little longer in the oven."

That advice is all fine and dandy, but what do you do when your 20-something colleagues are entering into YAP's before they're 26? What do you do when that tenor you attended programs with for years gets cast in the countries biggest opera house in a principle role in his early 30's?

I have a colleague who began music school slightly later than their peers and whose teacher refused to write a letter of reference not because they were not impressed by the level of performance, but because, although under the age limit for a program, was deemed "too old" by their teacher.

The pressure to perform at such a mature level which takes decades of life and professional experience is ridiculous. How are singers freshly out of university and conservatories supposed to hop up on the professional, A-house stage and be both academically, musically and emotionally prepared for these roles?

We can't be.

It doesn't matter how much natural talent they have. It doesn't matter with whom they studied in Europe. The emotional and professional maturity, let alone vocal readiness, is just not present.

While this pressure is big on the men in the field, it seems to be weighed even less in the favour of women.

“I have been watching my fellow actresses becoming older and more brilliant by the year and I have been watching many of them not getting enough work, not getting enough stage time,” says Ardal.

There has been press release after press release on women in this industry having their appearance commented on, praise for losing the baby weight so quickly, for bouncing back after a bypass or scathing comments on needing to lose the weight, or their voice being destroyed after losing too much weight, looking to old for the part and for not being "sexually appealing enough".

When women finally get to the peak of their vocal fitness, other life events will have happened and the beauty of youth may not be as present.

"Easier said then done if you find that, as soon as you have the chops, the roles have disappeared."

It seems to be true in both theatre, film and opera that:

“It takes a long, long time to get as good as you wish to be. Just as you hit your 40s and say, ‘I am so ready, ready to do big things,’ they are just not available,” says Reid.

While the article upon which I am reflecting begins to generalize about, as the title suggests, "Women in Canadian Theatre", I can't help but feel this age divide is so prevalent in the opera world and only getting worse for all young singers.

Is casting extremely young singers a Canadian issue or is this happening elsewhere?

Let me know your thoughts!

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Please find the entire article here:

"Women in Canadian Theatre" by Kate Taylor

j x.o

Thank you! You've blown me away!

You guys are too much and I am completely overwhelmed with the reception my latest post has received.

I honestly wrote it with the intention of entertaining my mom, aunts, some cousins, maybe a few friends would read it and be like, "hey, cool blog."

Never, in my wildest dreams did I expect it to take off like this!

All of you are amazing and I am so grateful that you took the time to both read and share!

Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you!

I hope you have a beautiful weekend!

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I went to New York and all I got was scabies: the un-glamorous life of a singer

This title is based on a true story. The glamour is all an illusion.

"But Jessica, opera singers get to travel, see the world, and sing all day!"

"Oh, but opera singers are so glamorous. The travelling, the gowns, the venues!"

"But...ANNA!"

I know.

Sigh.

The glitz, the sparkle, the overwhelming feeling that being an opera singer will be sheer elegance. From the outside, I still see this.  I have been developing in this field for 9 years and every time I hear someone say, The Met. I see the Prima Donna and the gowns, the jewelry and the town cars and chandeliers and I drift off into my day dreams.

My little heart flutters with excitement and a gnawing desire to be that image to have that life and yet, I know that this is simply not the true life of these world class singers. I know because I am living the audition circuit. I am watching colleagues live the audition circuit and you know what? It just doesn't seem to get more glamorous as the years go by.

Sometimes I find myself hoping that maybe I just haven't reached the height of things yet or that maybe its just the location and if I move somewhere wonderful, I won't feel so normal and tired and positively un-glamorous.

Here is a little insight the the average life of an opera singer: it isn't that thrilling. It is a lot of hard work. It is exhausting, disappointing, draining and yet, for the few moments we are on the stage, it makes up for everything. That's why we keep at it. We wait around like a junkie for our next hit and once we get it we can't help but go out and search for the next. It's a deep-rooted passion that makes it clear to us that if we do not keep performing, our souls will whither.

If you are unfamiliar with the underbelly of the opera world, I am going to give you a little tour of audition season (September - December) so that you, too, may know what we are living.

SEPTEMBER

Freshly home from summer programs (which, since you were away, you missed your best friends and your cousins wedding and your grandma's 90th birthday). It cost upwards of $3000 and not working for money all summer because of said program causes you to arrive home completely broke and exhausted.

Filled with inspiration from a month of lessons, masterclasses, Alexander technique, acting, yoga and performances, you are determined to continue with the work you were doing on your craft.

You think to yourself, "yes, I have to get back to work, but I am really going to keep at it this year! I am going to audition for everything! I am definitely ready!"

You just got home from a program but the applications for next year are due next week.

You start researching and realize that every. single. application. is now going through YAP Tracker. You're a little annoyed since you haven't gone back to work yet and it's going to cost $50 but you do it anyway.

As you filter through notices, you realize 90% of them are community organizations looking for volunteer ushers (really, YAP Tracker?!)

Finally, you find the programs you were looking for and realize:

OMG. THESE APPLICATIONS ARE DUE NEXT WEEK.

Looking down the list of supplementary materials, you notice that you will to need to send a recording. 

Company A wants: 4 arias, one in English, 2 references, $50 application fee, no guaranteed live audition

Company B wants: 2 arias, one English and a musical theatre piece (oh, no probs.), 3 references $75 application fee and proof you can acquire an American Visa ($300), recording pre-screen, no guaranteed live audition, no plastic CD case

Company C wants: 5 arias, one Handel or Mozart, one English and at least 4 languages, 2 references $60 application fee and $20 cash for the provided pianist, guaranteed live audition

Company D wants: 2 arias, one in English, 1 oratorio, 2 art songs (one orchestrated), 1 musical theatre, a monologue and a note from your mom (kidding). $20 application fee and a free pianist, pre-screen recorded audition, no guarantee of live audition, application must be post marked October 20th, include a self-addressed stamped envelope and a black and white glossy 8x10 (?!)

OK. You definitely have enough arias; the Mozart feels like garbage but it will have to do. Maybe you should get a new French piece but you'll have to ask your teacher ($80-$150) whom you haven't seen in 3 months, coach it at least once ($50 - $75) and then it might not even be quite right. Oh God. You might still remember your orchestrated song you did in Vocal Rep in 2nd year masters, and something from the Messiah or Elijah should be ok, right?

You haven't sung musical theatre since high school but you think you can remember all the words to something from Les Mis, so that's pretty good. You can work with that. Maybe it can double as a monologue. Just do it out of context, they probably won't ask for it anyway.

Ok. The recording guy can come ($300) so hopefully the pianist ($100) and the church space you are renting ($80) will all be available at the same time. You are back to work this week so the options for times are slim and all the pianists are busy with undergrads. It's fine. It will work out.

You get all the applications in on the required date (the day of, obviously) and then you wait.

OCTOBER

You checked all the boxes. You sent everything in on time. You managed to practice once this week. You found enough references.

You have waited at least 2 weeks and, finally, the results are in!

Congratulations, you have received live audition times in NYC in November!

 2 auditions in 2 days.

Ok, Porter Airlines, show me a deal! Hotels.com, be a pal.

You find some ok-ish deals but decide maybe you'd better take the bus. It's fine. What's 12 hours overnight? Both ways? For that price, totally worth it!

Find a couch to crash on. Awesome. Or, at least a decent hotel deal (under $150/night, shared bathroom, it's fine.), 7 minute walk from audition #2, 4 starts on Google Reviews! Sweet.

Plan ahead at work so they don't have a coronary that you will be absent most of November. Spend PA Days teaching 8 hours between 3 studios so you don't lose out on too much income or have angry parents emailing that their child does not want a sub no matter how wonderful, personally recommended and qualified they may be.

Your teacher can fit you in once the week before you leave and tells you your Mozart will be fine.

You practiced once this week.

Your students have colds. They coughed on you. You have a sore throat. It must be in your head since you ate enough garlic this week to repel 100 years worth of vampires.

NOVEMBER

It was not in your head. You haven't been able to sing in 2 weeks because you are coughing your lungs out. You can barely teach for fear of losing the only voice you have left. You'll get it together. It's fine. NyQuil was on sale at Shoppers.

This month, the one professional gig you got is preparing to take its production out to the middle of nowhere. You move your students around to be able to make it to Saturday and Sunday rehearsals, you pick up a sub job at a church on Sunday mornings to help pay for your auditions. You are now working 7 days a week. With a cold and big, impending auditions.

You make it out alive and well enough to sing just in time to get to New York. You arrive at a strange time of day because that was the best deal you could get and sign into your hotel/drop your bag off at in a friends living room. Everything looks pretty good and you are psyched to be in NYC.

NYC. Must. Try. And. See. Everything. In 2 Days. And audition twice.

Seeing the MoMA and the Metropolitan Museum of Art in the same day was a poor decision. Utterly overwhelming and you are experiencing big time sensory overload. Audition tomorrow morning. Should get to bed. The Chipotle you ate thinking it was a safe bet in both the budget and dietary restrictions category isn't sitting quite right, but you'll live.

Next morning, wake up. Nervous. New city. Must find Jamba Juice. Call the audition venue to book a practice space; booked solid. Rats. Have a smoothie, shower, sing very quietly in the shared bathroom so as not to disturb other guests and realize this is the only warm up you are going to get because there is a warm-up ban in the audition space.

You get your hair and make-up right (after managing to dodge the puddles left in the bathroom by the stranger down the hall like a champ), only for it to be destroyed by the wind as you lug your garment and book bags 20 blocks.

Arrive at the venue, they're running ahead of schedule. NO PRESSURE. Go to the bathroom to get dressed and fix the mascara that is running down your face because your eye watered the whole walk over. Scare the girl who is trying to put on nylons in the bathroom, she falls over, you both laugh and laugh and even though she doesn't speak English, you both understand the travesty of both nylons and trying to get ready in tiny theatre bathrooms.

You get yourself pulled together, try to hum very quietly so that you don't get kicked out. Make sure your binder is in the correct order and you have everything you were supposed to bring.

The audition slot is five minutes, everyone before you only got to sing one piece. You walk in, smile, introduce yourself, nod to the pianist and breathe.

The pianist doesn't know the piece. The tempo is wrong. It's ok. You were trained for this. Just keep singing, they will find you. Half way through the piece, you're finally together, all the while acting like there is no issue.

You're finished singing. There is a pause.

You smile.

"Thank you. We'll be in touch."

No second piece? Ok. That's cool. Just smile, thank them and go.

The person waiting to go in next asks you what the room is like. You say, "it's fine, a little dead, you might feel like over singing but don't worry. It sounds better out here than it feels in there!"

Go into the bathroom, put your comfies back on.  Look at yourself in the mirror. The hair, the make-up and the casual clothes. Perfect.

Spend the day sightseeing but call it an early night and go back to the hotel to watch Netflix because you still have to sing tomorrow.

Get to the next audition, smaller venue, more singers, running way behind schedule. People are name dropping and resume bolstering and putting on their biggest, fakest selves to colleagues. You wait in the hallway, trying not to engage for 40 - 60 minutes as person after person goes in and sings your identical repertoire. Try not to listen. You're different. They will see that.

Right before you go in, the assistant goes in to tell them their dinner break won't be as scheduled and they still have 2 more auditions to hear and they send you in.

Oh no. Hungry panel. They've been here for 8 hours. It's ok. Make them happy they're not eating and that they're here listening to the same aria for the 30th time this hour.

After you sing, they ask, "What else are you working on?"

This is the place that sent an email the night before with extremely specific instructions and requirements. They want to hear something you didn't pack.

"Sorry, I didn't bring that with me," you smile.

"Just a piece of advice, always bring more than what we've asked for," they look at you like they've never been so exhausted with anyone.

"Oh. Ok, thank you!" you manage a grin.

As you leave the space, you begin to shake.

How could I be so dumb? Why didn't I pack everything I have ever learned?!

And then you remind yourself that this is the company that said:

Please do not bring anything we did not specify on the application.

I cannot win.

It's ok. It's over. You did it. Home tomorrow.

First, you have to call the home office of the first audition and if your name appears on their recorded message after 6 pm. You call 3 times before the message has been refreshed. They took 8 singers for call backs after 200 that auditioned that week (out of 3 weeks). Your name was not on the list so you ask the hotel where to find the best pub and they send you down the street.

You're not supposed to drink alcohol because the naturopath said but what does she know about audition season? You have 3 glasses of wine, followed by 2 slices of New York cheese pizza (whatever, you already over did it with the wine) and a donut. 

The next morning you're so swollen from allergens that you can't get your boots on.

3 more auditions in your home city and then you're done. And back to work. And a travelling production on the weekends and it's advent so that's always good.

No but really. It's going to be fine.

DECEMBER

2 auditions left. You've got this. One of them doesn't even stress you out because they only ever take one voice type and it's not yours but it was a free audition so you may as well do it for the experience. Because the pressure is off you nail it. But it doesn't matter. Because they were never going to take you. And they don't.

You go on tour with the production you worked on and miss your student's recitals because of it. 

The next morning, you wake up covered in tiny, itchy water blisters. You leave it a week hoping it will go away. When they don't, you go to the doctor who sends you to a specialist who tells you it's scabies.

Scabies.

From the hotel in NYC.

The cream costs $30 a tube and your partner has them, too so you end up spending $60 on cream and $40 on laundry because everything has to be washed and dried. Everything.

A week later and they're still not gone so you must treat a second time. 2 tubes of cream and another full day of laundry.

You have also missed 4 Christmas parties scheduled on the same day in 3 cities.You are still working 6 days a week and have your first Sunday off in 8 weeks halfway through December. Because it's your first day off, you get groceries, do laundry, watch a Christmas special and the day is over.

Suddenly it's Christmas. You've received PFO's (Please F*&$ Off's) from nearly every company.

It's then you realize:

I went to New York and all I got was scabies.

2014 relfections

This past year was a very self-reflective year for me in my career and on a personal level.  I have noticed and/or been thinking about a lot of things and here are some of my loudest thoughts from 2014:

Career

There are so many bullies in this industry...

And I am SO done with them all. On an empathetic level, I understand why it happens. We're artists, we're emotional; there is SO much competition and sometimes the only way to feel better about yourself is to feel like you're the best at something; and so you put other people down to build yourself up. This year I have heard people speaking ill of people they call their own friends. I have made a really big effort not to get involved in this behaviour and have started disagreeing with people when they say things like, "so and so did not deserve x!"  I have been standing up for the "so and so's" and I hope that this will spread.  Yes, the politics in this industry (not even to mention this city, which is a post all it's own)  are frustrating beyond words, but we are all in this together. I hope that someday, one of the so and so's will do the same for me when I am not there to defend myself.

Unfortunately, this isn't colleague-exclusive. It reaches out into teaching styles, directorial styles, etc etc and I am so tired of it. I will have to touch on this another day.

Singing isn't as much about technique as you want it to be

Singing is simultaneously the easiest and hardest thing in the world in theory and in application. We spend our post secondary years fixing "technical" errors and moving on. We hear things like, "don't do that", "add this", "why can't you just not do that?" and then are expected to fix it and move on. Unfortunately, we are not machines nor are we computers and so that is really difficult. For me, it takes all the joy out of why I sing and the reason why I persist in trying to succeed in this field.

I have been seeing a new teacher and he has reminded me that singing comes from a really primitive, animalistic place.  No one has ever brought that up to me before and you know what? It feels so much easier and so, so much more natural and connected.

Opera is not irrelevant, the way it's being marketed sucks (among other things).

This is something I have spending a lot of time thinking about this past year. It is definitely going to need it's own space for me to flush it out properly but I will touch on it here briefly.

Here are some of my main points:

Opera is simply not irrelevant, the music is moving, the stories still apply, the direction does not need to be modernized.  

The problems? 

1. Poor marketing. The people marketing for the bigger companies are doing a very boring job. They're hitting the wrong markets. They're doing it wrong. More on that later.

2. People truly do not know what they are missing nor do they even know what opera really is. I have introduced at least 20 people to opera and every single one of them was blown away and has attended more productions on their own after the fact. It is not boring. It does not need to be made more accessible. It is accessible. The general public is just uninformed.

3. Egotistical singers are boring to watch. Most singers are egotistical singers. There, I said it.

Personal

I am super happy staying at home (and it's not at all personal)

This year, I have done a lot of reading and a lot of embracing the fact that I am, indeed, introverted. I have spent so many years trying to make myself be an extrovert, make myself go out to bars, parties, large gatherings, all the time, withering on the inside and dying to be at home. 

I was the kid who used to go home from sleepovers. There was even a "party-pooper" song written about me in elementary school.

I do not care anymore! Actually, I get really sad when I am not invited to things, but I will probably only come for the first hour or two and then go home or politely decline. If you want to come over for tea, that would be perfect. I will even meet you for a coffee. I am introverted, I am not a hermit, I love one on one time.

I am not ready to change careers yet

This past spring, after an intensely long, disappointing winter, I applied to college to become a psychotherapist. I spent a few months thinking about it and was really excited. All of a sudden, I had been accepted based on my application alone and I started to feel slightly panicked. I was NOT ready to give up singing, I was NOT ready to redirect my attention to anything else; not even part time! I am still sure that was the right decision.  It is really scary a lot of the time as a singer.  You never know where you're going next or if anyone will have any interest in hearing you or even if the lessons and coachings you a bleeding dry to pay are going to amount anything. Even though that is how it feels so often, I am not ready to give it up. So here I am.

That was what my brain sounded like in 2014. I will expand on more of these thoughts as we go ahead in the blogosphere. Oh god. #nerdalert

j x.o

Here I am, blogging.

Oh hey, 2015, I didn't see you there.

Happy New Year!

Ok, I am not going to lie, I am really nervous to be blogging. I have been thinking about it for a really long time, and it is New Years Day and here I am, rambling via the internet.

There is so much more to this blogging thing than I knew (quelle surprise, isn't that the case with everything?) so I am feeling slightly overwhelmed and yet, quite excited about the prospect.

I have been feeling like I have a lot to say lately.  Especially in regards to the industry I am in and where it is going.  I want to have a platform with the opportunity to get out some of my feelings because, my goodness, I have them!

And yet, I don't think this will be entirely about trying to make it as an opera singer these days.  That may get too depressing.  I do other things, too. Also, I have feelings about other things which is good. So I will probably have a ramble about all kinds of things.

I just wanted to say, "hey" for now, so, hey! It's nice to see you and I am happy you are here.

Let's talk soon.

j x.o