2014 relfections

This past year was a very self-reflective year for me in my career and on a personal level.  I have noticed and/or been thinking about a lot of things and here are some of my loudest thoughts from 2014:

Career

There are so many bullies in this industry...

And I am SO done with them all. On an empathetic level, I understand why it happens. We're artists, we're emotional; there is SO much competition and sometimes the only way to feel better about yourself is to feel like you're the best at something; and so you put other people down to build yourself up. This year I have heard people speaking ill of people they call their own friends. I have made a really big effort not to get involved in this behaviour and have started disagreeing with people when they say things like, "so and so did not deserve x!"  I have been standing up for the "so and so's" and I hope that this will spread.  Yes, the politics in this industry (not even to mention this city, which is a post all it's own)  are frustrating beyond words, but we are all in this together. I hope that someday, one of the so and so's will do the same for me when I am not there to defend myself.

Unfortunately, this isn't colleague-exclusive. It reaches out into teaching styles, directorial styles, etc etc and I am so tired of it. I will have to touch on this another day.

Singing isn't as much about technique as you want it to be

Singing is simultaneously the easiest and hardest thing in the world in theory and in application. We spend our post secondary years fixing "technical" errors and moving on. We hear things like, "don't do that", "add this", "why can't you just not do that?" and then are expected to fix it and move on. Unfortunately, we are not machines nor are we computers and so that is really difficult. For me, it takes all the joy out of why I sing and the reason why I persist in trying to succeed in this field.

I have been seeing a new teacher and he has reminded me that singing comes from a really primitive, animalistic place.  No one has ever brought that up to me before and you know what? It feels so much easier and so, so much more natural and connected.

Opera is not irrelevant, the way it's being marketed sucks (among other things).

This is something I have spending a lot of time thinking about this past year. It is definitely going to need it's own space for me to flush it out properly but I will touch on it here briefly.

Here are some of my main points:

Opera is simply not irrelevant, the music is moving, the stories still apply, the direction does not need to be modernized.  

The problems? 

1. Poor marketing. The people marketing for the bigger companies are doing a very boring job. They're hitting the wrong markets. They're doing it wrong. More on that later.

2. People truly do not know what they are missing nor do they even know what opera really is. I have introduced at least 20 people to opera and every single one of them was blown away and has attended more productions on their own after the fact. It is not boring. It does not need to be made more accessible. It is accessible. The general public is just uninformed.

3. Egotistical singers are boring to watch. Most singers are egotistical singers. There, I said it.

Personal

I am super happy staying at home (and it's not at all personal)

This year, I have done a lot of reading and a lot of embracing the fact that I am, indeed, introverted. I have spent so many years trying to make myself be an extrovert, make myself go out to bars, parties, large gatherings, all the time, withering on the inside and dying to be at home. 

I was the kid who used to go home from sleepovers. There was even a "party-pooper" song written about me in elementary school.

I do not care anymore! Actually, I get really sad when I am not invited to things, but I will probably only come for the first hour or two and then go home or politely decline. If you want to come over for tea, that would be perfect. I will even meet you for a coffee. I am introverted, I am not a hermit, I love one on one time.

I am not ready to change careers yet

This past spring, after an intensely long, disappointing winter, I applied to college to become a psychotherapist. I spent a few months thinking about it and was really excited. All of a sudden, I had been accepted based on my application alone and I started to feel slightly panicked. I was NOT ready to give up singing, I was NOT ready to redirect my attention to anything else; not even part time! I am still sure that was the right decision.  It is really scary a lot of the time as a singer.  You never know where you're going next or if anyone will have any interest in hearing you or even if the lessons and coachings you a bleeding dry to pay are going to amount anything. Even though that is how it feels so often, I am not ready to give it up. So here I am.

That was what my brain sounded like in 2014. I will expand on more of these thoughts as we go ahead in the blogosphere. Oh god. #nerdalert

j x.o